Quotes of Dr. Thomas R. Holtz
Compiled by Kara Stambach (Fall Semester 2000)
I have compiled the pearls of Dr. Holtz's wisdom for the benefit of my fellow and future classmates...
1. If you can feel your spinal cord, you're in deep shit.
2. That sucks dog meat.
3. Oh. They're not here? Well, screw them.
4. Tyranosaurus rex: dinky little forearms.
5. "Oh! Oh! The genetic code has been broken"-- that's complete and total crap!
6. Take the most squishy-faced puppies and let them breed, hack off the nads of the other ones, and you get more squishy-faced puppies.
7. "OH baby, I wanna pass on your genes!" The peacock with the bigger tail gets the girl.
8. Giant big-ass milipede! Doing all sorts of fun things arthnopods do.
9. No duh. Air is drier than water.
10. Hey, they can take it. They're vertebrates! Go team!
11. This is a toliet bowl head. That's my nickname for them! Their heads are about the size and shape of a toliet bowl, but I wouldn't want to sit on one...
12. Look! I'm an Edaphosaurus!(Dashes about madly)
13. Just imagine... Iguanodon interupting Jane Austen's picnic!
14. Archosaurs tend to be airheads.
15. You and me, and dogs and cats and platypi!
16. It's beginning to ring there. Ring. Ring. Ring. Hello?
17. Ornithopoda is a sucky name. Its misleading. They *don't* have bird feet. I would have named them beaked-dinosaurs, but I wasn't around in the 1880's. Sorry.
18. They probably stank. They were plant eaters. Plant eaters stink.
19. That's it for Ceratopsians. (raises hands) Stay in your seats!
20. They were small, they were fast, sit down I have 3 minutes left, they could breed...
21. Because it's a plant eater, it must be totally harmless! Like I'm gonna go up and hug a rhinoceras!
22. On occasion Coelophysoidea would eat their young. Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing...
23. Birds are not bird-hipped dinosaurs, although obviously they have bird hips, because they are birds, and they are dinosaurs, which makes them bird-hipped dinosaurs, but not really...
24. What do dinosaurs taste like? Chicken.
25. Well, they're skeletons. Obviously, if they were alive, they'd have flesh.
26. A pachy is sort of a Patrick Stewart-headed dinosaur.
27. There is no muscle strong enough-- except maybe on the planet Krypton- to breathe that far underwater.
28. So it gets up to Newman and the SCREAMS at him and puffs out his frills... not very good predatory behavior...
29. By the time you're the biggest SOB in the valley, you can scare anything away from its prey.
30. Now obviously we can't see it flying. It's dead.
31.Prosauropods are these big ass dinosaurs; well, for their time...
32. Amargasaurus make a special guest appearance...
33. So if you had a time-traveling person in a row boat, you could row all over the western part of North America!
34. See, you can do stuff with these funny cladograms!
35. Herbivores don't seem to need help learning how to eat... cause grass doesn't run away...
36. I will answer that question and then we'll begin next time with sex... er, dino sex...
37. As found in the Montana Group... out in Montana, in this case...
38. Hey! I'm a male lambeosaurine and I'm all grown! I can breed now!
39. They did it *dino-style*.
40. Deer are not really built for impact.
41. The antlers of a moose get other mooses hot, but they also serve as a defensive display.
42. The Newark Supergroup basins are the "stretch marks" of the birth of the Atlantic.
43. Chickens are a kind of *dinosaur*? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! *YES*!
44. This is why the Chihuahua was invented. Its got a high SA/vol and its hairless. Extremely useful for dumping into bed.
45. Mammals. The other white meat.
46. But this isn't [insert anything here] : A Natural History class.
47. Mass Extinction: The day bad shit went down.
48. What killed the dinosaurs? (whispers) Alien Laser Death Ray.
49. It helps when your daddy is a Nobel Prize winning physicist.
50. What is a dinosaur? Iguanodon, Megalosaurus, and all descendants of their most recent common ancestor.